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Sarcastic Quotes And Sayings

If you carry contempt for or mock something, the use of words that say something else but mean the other, then this is sarcasm. In other phrases, you are the usage of irony to do it. I guess, better than defining what’s sarcasm. Must I permit the subsequent listing of sarcastic quotes do the talking? Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old sarcasm quotes, sarcasm sayings, and sarcasm proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.

Sarcastic Quotes
Sarcastic Quotes

Sarcastic Quotes About Love

  • This is what happened in love. One of you cried a lot and then both of you grew sarcastic.
    ~ Lorrie Moore
  • The consumer isn’t a moron; she is your wife.
    ~ David Ogilvy
  • Martyrdom: The only way a man can become famous without ability.
    ~ George Bernard Shaw
  • When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I’m beginning to believe it.
    ~ Clarence Darrow
  • 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
    ~ Steven Wright
  • Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.
    ~ P. J. O’Rourke
  • If life gives you lemons, then be thankful for it. I have been getting only the peels for as long as I can remember!
    ~ Anonymous
    Feared
  • No, no, no. I’m not insulting you. I’m just describing you.
    ~ Anonymous
  • Marriage is a bliss for people who aren’t in it.
    ~ Anonymous
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  • I asked you for some lunch money, and you gave me a dollar? Your benevolence always touches my soul!
    ~ Anonymous
  • Oh, come on! I am not being sarcastic with you. You really sing well… In fact, you sing better than the wretched crows in my neighborhood! Damn those crows…
    ~ Anonymous
  • If a stranger offers you a piece of candy, take two.
    ~ Anonymous
  • I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
    ~ Groucho Marx
  • You’d be in good shape if you ran as much as your mouth.
    ~ Anonymous
  • Types of People
    Eye Roll and Heart Eyes
    I sometimes think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability.
    ~ Oscar Wilde
Sarcastic Quotes About Love
Sarcastic Quotes About Love
  • Mirrors can’t talk, lucky for you they can’t laugh either.
    ~ Anonymous
  • When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
    ~ Sacha Guitry

Sarcastic Quotes About Fake People

  • Shocked thick guy using modern technology
    Baby Girl getting a Shot
    Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
    ~ Anonymous
  • Many wealthy people are little more than janitors of their possessions.
    ~ Frank Lloyd Wright
  • Not all women are annoying. Some are dead.
    ~ Anonymous
  • This place is so weird that the cockroaches have moved next door.
    ~ Anonymous
  • Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.
    ~ Billy Connolly
  • If you’ve never met the devil in the road of life, it’s because you’re both heading in the same direction.
    ~ Anonymous
  • Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately, it kills all its students!
    ~ Robin Williams
  • When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.
    ~ Anonymous
  • I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late.
    ~ Max Kauffmann
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  • If you don’t want a sarcastic answer, then don’t ask a stupid question.
    ~ Anonymous
  • I can be quite sarcastic when I’m in the mood.
    ~ J.D. Salinger
  • Like good wine, marriage gets better with age – once you learn to keep a cork in it.
    ~ Gene Perret
  • It’s a funny thing that when a man hasn’t anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.
    ~ Robert Frost
  • The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your back pocket.
    ~ Will Rogers
  • I am in full possession of the amazing power of being sarcastic.
    ~ Sarah Rees Brennan
  • I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time?
    ~ Anonymous
  • Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
    ~ Anonymous
Sarcastic Quotes About Fake People
Sarcastic Quotes About Fake People
  • The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
    ~ Anonymous
  • There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
    ~ Will Rogers

Sarcastic Quotes About Life Lessons

  • He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.
    ~ Forrest Tucker
  • Handsome gangster
    Portrait of a surprised cat breed Scottish Fold
    It might look like I’m doing nothing, but at the cellular level, I’m really quite busy.
    ~ Anonymous
  • Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.
    ~ Drew Carey
  • You can be whatever you want; however, in your case, you should probably aim low.
    ~ Anonymous
  • Life is like a roller coaster, and I’m about to throw up.
    ~ Anonymous
  • I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.
    ~ Sam Kinison
  • A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
    ~ Steven Wright
  • It sounds like English, but I can’t understand a word you’re saying.
    ~ Anonymous
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  • Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
    ~ Mark Twain
  • I love deadlines, I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
    ~ Anonymous
  • I’m a man of leisure. That’s because I have an English degree and can’t get a job.
    ~ Jarod Kintz
  • I’ll always cherish the original misconception I had of you.
    ~ Anonymous
  • Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
    ~ Anonymous
  • You know there’s just one more thing to need to do after you crack a joke… Tickle the other person!
    ~ Anonymous
  • I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t.
    ~ Patrick Murray
  • Why would someone who has an average life expectancy of 75 years, get married when he is 29?
    ~ Anonymous
Sarcastic Quotes About Life Lessons
Sarcastic Quotes About Life Lessons
  • Tell me… Is being stupid a profession or are you just gifted?
    ~ Anonymous
  • Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I are not sure about the universe.
    ~ Albert Einstein

Sarcastic Quotes On Life Facts

  • Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.
    ~ Ashleigh Brilliant
  • I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.
    ~ Stephen Bishop
  • Marry me and I’ll never look at another horse!
    ~ Groucho Marx
  • Marriage is a romance in which the heroine dies in the first chapter.
    ~ Cecilia Egan
  • Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.
    ~ Joan Crawford
  • Love is the answer, but while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.
    ~ Woody Allen
  • Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.
    ~ Erma Bombeck
  • Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
    ~ Groucho Marx
  • In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
    ~ Woody Allen
  • We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
    ~ Henny Youngman
  • You’re not that lucky and I’m not that desperate!
    ~ Anonymous
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  • Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
    ~ Groucho Marx
  • The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he’s a baby.
    ~ Natalie Wood
  • If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.
    ~ Lawrence Ferlinghetti
  • Marriage is given and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway.
    ~ Joey Adams
  • There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than
  • electronic banking. It’s called marriage.
    ~ James Holt McGavran
  • Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people by the people for the people.
    ~ Oscar Wilde
Sarcastic Quotes On Life Facts
Sarcastic Quotes On Life Facts
  • I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.
    ~ Sir Winston Churchill
  • Do not worry about your difficulties in mathematics, I can assure you that mine are all greater.
    ~ Albert Einstein

Sarcastic Quotes About Annoying People

  • “Well, my imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.”
  • “I’ve got a good heart but this mouth…”
  • “Cancel my subscription because I don’t need your issues.”
  • “Me pretending to listen should be enough for you.”
  • “If you’re waiting for me to give a shit, you better pack a lunch. It’s going to be while.”
  • “Ugliness can be fixed, stupidity is forever.”
  • “Zombies eat brains. You’re safe.”
  • “Are you always this retarded or are you making a special effort today?”
  • “You’d be in good shape… if you run as much as your mouth.”
  • “If karma doesn’t hit you, I gladly will.”
  • “Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you’ll find a brain back there.”
  • “Tact is for people who aren’t witty enough to use sarcasm.”
  • “You always do me a favor, when you shut up!”
  • “Tell me how I have upset you because I want to know how to do it again.”
  • “I’m not crazy! The voices tell me I am entirely sane.”
  • “Sure I’ll help you out… the same way you came in.”
  • “Shut your mouth when you’re talking to me.”
  • “I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.”
  • “Think I am sarcastic? Watch me pretend to care!”
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  • “My friends are so much cooler than yours. They’re invisible.”
  • “If it looks like I give a damn, please tell me. I don’t want to give off the wrong impression.”
  • “You sound better with your mouth closed.”
  • “If ignorance is bliss. You must be the happiest person on this planet.”
  • “I’m smiling… that alone should scare you.”
  • “If you wrote down every single thought you ever had you would get an award for the shortest story ever.”
Sarcastic Quotes About Annoying People
Sarcastic Quotes About Annoying People
  • “If I promise to miss you, will you go away?”
  • “I’ll try being nicer if you try being smarter.”
  • “Thank you for leaving my side when I was alone. I realized I can do so much without you.”

Sarcastic Quotes About Relationships

  • “Fighting with me is like being in the Special Olympics. You may win, but in the end, you’re still a retard.”
  • “Well, at least your mom thinks you’re pretty.”
  • “My neighbor’s diary says that I have boundary issues.”
  • “Just because the voices only talk to me doesn’t mean you should get all jealous. You’re just a little too crazy for their taste.”
  • “Don’t worry about what people think. They don’t do it very often.”
  • “If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.”
  • “I clapped because it’s finished, not because I like it.”
  • “I’m not listening, but keep talking. I enjoy the way your voice makes my ears bleed.”
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  • “I’m not sarcastic. I’m just intelligent beyond your understanding.”
  • “Sarcasm, because beating the crap out of people is illegal.”
  • “Sarcasm is the body’s natural defense against stupidity.”
  • “I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time?
  • “That is the ugliest top I’ve ever seen, yet it compliments your face perfectly.”
  • “Life’s good, you should get one.”
  • “No, you don’t have to repeat yourself. I was ignoring you the first time.”
  • “Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit! Yet it remains the funniest!”
  • “I’m sorry while you were talking I was trying to figure where the hell you got the idea I cared.”
  • “Just keep talking, I yawn when I’m interested.”
  • “Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.”
  • “I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and don’t want to see your ugly mug every day.”
  • “I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.”
Sarcastic Quotes About Relationships
Sarcastic Quotes About Relationships
  • “Sarcasm: Helping the intelligent politely tolerate the obtuse for thousands of years.”
  • “Everyone has the right to be stupid, but you are abusing the privilege.”
  • “People say that laughter is the best medicine… your face must be curing the world.”

Sarcastic Quotes About Work

  • “Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.” – Steven Wright
  • “When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.”
  • “It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste.”
  • “You look good when your eyes are closed, but you look the best when my eyes closed.”
  • “Mirrors can’t talk, lucky for you they can’t laugh either.”
  • “If had a dollar for every smart thing you say. I’ll be poor.”
  • “I don’t believe in plastic surgery. But in your case, go ahead.”
  • “Are you always so stupid or is today a special occasion?”
  • “I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.”
  • “If you find me offensive. Then I suggest you quit finding me.”
  • “Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.”
  • “If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.”
  • “I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face but with words.”
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  • “I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you today.”
  • “I’m not saying I hate you, what I’m saying is that you are literally the Monday of my life.”
  • “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew.”
  • “Sarcasm – the ability to insult idiots without them realizing it.”
  • “Unless your name is Google stop acting like you know everything.”
  • “Yet despite the look on my face… you are still talking.”
  • “Find your patience before I lose mine.”
  • “Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.”
  • “Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.” – Ashleigh Brilliant
Sarcastic Quotes About Work
Sarcastic Quotes About Work
  • “Sarcasm: because arguing with stupid people just wouldn’t be as much fun.”
  • “If at first, you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.”
  • “My imaginary friend says that you need a therapist.”
  • “Let’s share… You’ll take the grenade, I’ll take the pin.”

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